whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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