i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
