Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
