She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We left an ass print on the piano.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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