from now on my penis is your penis
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
