if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize