12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
