Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
