i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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