we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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