with your own penis?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
