one two three fourrrrnication!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
