she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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