You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
