I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
