You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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