she told me i tasted like america
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
