and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
