So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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