How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
