i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
