Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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