so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
