I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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