I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
All the doctor said was why
My bed smells like the plague
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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