its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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