So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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