I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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