So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
