You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
