As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
