Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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