im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
