He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
