I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Randomize
