New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
