3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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