the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
