Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
