The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize