Screwed.edu
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
