lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
