Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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