I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
