6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
