I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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