He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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