just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Actions speak louder than pants.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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