I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
