i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
dude i'm inner monologue high
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
