Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
