My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
