At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
