I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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