I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
