What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize