I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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