i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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