Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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