It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
