you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
