I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
