Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
