I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Floor bacon is actually really good
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize