If that was your dad, he is hot
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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