i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
