Just mADE A PArabola og urine
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
