I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
