He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize