That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
