sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
