My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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