well you can't waste a boner
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
