just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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